I fall in love with myself more and more every day vicariously as you.

I pluck flowers for myself. Leave them on my dresser with a note that reads,

Out of all the beautiful flowers in the world, I’d still pluck me.

I stay up late on the phone, talking about the things I’d do, if only you really knew what you’d do to me. I take strolls, tell myself I look fat in that dress because food can sometimes scare me. I asked myself to wear me, proudly. I lay in bed anticipating the moment I’d wake up to those big brown eyes and I count each time I twitch my feet while I sleep. I tell myself I’m beautiful without having to ask. I bask in the thought of me. I hold the umbrella when it rains. I tell myself I hate the person who turned me this way. I tell myself, I’ll make me feel okay. I asked myself, why couldn’t you stay. It’s hard to be alone, it’s hard when it’s just me.

Jade Brown